May 24, 2016

A History of Brokenness

By viewingcamelot

She weeps offscreen,
Years of bruises thrive
Breaking open unseen
And she’s so strong to survive

Her brokenness.

I smile a hollow smile,
But the lantern is black
I embrace what I revile
And can never take back

My brokenness.

We survived the rocky womb
Dashed to pieces, but breathing
Hoping for a chance to bloom
Before we finished bleeding out

Our brokenness.

And we can’t stay in the lines
So we suffer the scold
For breaking the confines,
For not doing as we’re told,

For not staying broken.

We’re easy to clasp,
But impossible to keep
Because no one has surpassed
The temptation to reap

Where we’ve been broken.

Love doesn’t plunder the cleft
To feed base appetites,
And I’ve only learned this is theft
From the God who weeps at the sight

Of our brokenness.

A God who swears to fashion it for our good,
To make it better than intact
Who entered our misery and withstood
The same bitter attacks

To be broken for us.

Slowly making all things well,
But this process stings,
So we wait for the healing
Only He can bring:

Our Wounded Healer.

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May 5, 2016

Oh Father,

By viewingcamelot

I silenced myself
I shut up my mouth, my pen,
Because of the sorrow in my soul
I feared the sin in my heart

I stopped proclaiming

You freed me to speak
The stagnant pool of death
The bitterness of my bones
Rotting my flesh from inside

But You have brought my fear to point

You have goaded me to fear You,
Healing my decaying flesh
With obedience in humility
Bringing refreshment to my bones

And I honor You

With this body of death
That You alone make alive
I lean on You to loose my tongue
To praises as You guide me

My King Eternal

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Passion, Praise

April 28, 2016

The Longest Hour

By viewingcamelot

Burning months like matchsticks,
Because time is so predictable
As it erupts, and blazes,
And diminishes, and ends
In smoke and ash.

And all my love remains
Never smothered by the smoke
Of burnt seconds sacrificed
While my beloved breathe clean air
In distant spaces

And I light another day
Like she lights cigarettes,
Because time burns
A million different ways
But smolders the same

And I miss the dives,
The homogenous buzz
Of beer, and regret,
As hives of desperation
Produce anonymity

And what nectar could be sweeter,
Or safer,
Or a longer burn?

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Pallor, Passion

April 17, 2016

On Being Unlovable

By viewingcamelot

I was never
Your moon and stars
You spoke plainly in the woo,
I never meant that to you,
And you were always ready
To let me go

I was never
Ready to leave
Until our last rotation
When years of instigation
Leading to rejection
Suddenly made sense

I was never
Enough
For you to pursue
You kept me subdued
Because it was easy
And fun

I was never
The problem
I was once pretty enough
To scrape together some love
If love had been the goal
Or possibility

I was never
Seen by you,
And now, so close to goodbye,
You suddenly begin to try
To put away the tools of your trade:
Isolation and indifference

I was never
Your moon and stars,
Merely the one you’d chosen
To keep forever waiting frozen
With all your other possessions
For the warmth of your touches

Meted out like alms to the poor.

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April 9, 2016

Waking

By viewingcamelot

And it’s always been hidden,
Or lost, or broke,
But when we spoke tenderly
It was enough.
Hiding in the dark
From monsters,
But the dark hides truths too,
And a blind embrace
Was our medicine
How we drank it down
And a blind embrace
Staves away dark nights,
But the sun wakes
Eventually
And what will this day bring?
Now that we’ve seen the things we hid
The things we despise
Hidden by night in each other’s eyes
Will the sun ever set again?
We’ve seen daybreak
Illuminate and separate us,
And that light sits between us,
And a blind embrace
Is impossible to seeing eyes.
Will the dark ever find its way home,
To soften what we know of each other,
Or could this daywalking
Be enough in time –

Will the sun find a way
To warm our embrace,
The way we did at dusk?

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April 9, 2016

Barefooted and Bought

By viewingcamelot

Days of red roses
All traded in
For what I believed to be
Rich soil beneath:
A place to grow
A fertile space for roots.

Every grain of dirt
Is an island
Fords are overwhelmed
By floods
And what use are roots
Without blooms?

I sold myself
For a song
For a steal
And all that makes me valuable now
Is the cross-ransom I still know
My sweet Jesus paid.

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April 8, 2016

Fallen from Haven

By viewingcamelot

So foolish-
All these years hoping,
Putting faith in
Coping mechanisms
Like organic metaphors
And you
My safest place,
My deepest trust,
Based on dreams I had alone.

Halfway round the world
Just to see
But I saw-
It’s all the same.
We are what we are,
And will never be
What we are not.
Safety is an illusion,

And also honorable men.

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April 8, 2016

Closed

By viewingcamelot

I’m broke down
Maybe for good this time
And it’s all on me.
There was a day
I could see my case
Filed against everybody
But those courts settled,
That dust fell,
And it’s all on me.

Sin is an ugly word,
An uglier deed,
And mine multiplies
In horror, I try, but
I can’t weed out my poison
Only I can see clearly now
I know now
We’re all like this.
We’re all an ugly horror.

We hold our hands
In each other’s filth
We try to believe
It’s all okay
Understandable,
Explainable,
Forgivable.
I know now:
It isn’t.

Not on its own,
For what it is.

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March 25, 2016

Mr. Moon

By viewingcamelot

I never speak to you anymore,
Or anyone,
But I see you large in my sky,
So far away,
And I love you in the distance
My constant friend.

I don’t tell you my troubles
In silent chrysalis,
I let the dead sleep,
And also that which will live
When these nights give birth
To the ever-changing sun.

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March 15, 2016

Love’s New Song

By viewingcamelot

So alone under your arm
All these years
And now we’ve shaken the china shelves
And broken those fragile edges

And our finest pieces are fragments
But we see them now, don’t we?
And you broke me
but you didn’t leave the rubble behind

You chose anyone else
While you cracked my design
But you came back
And isn’t that love?

So we pick up these days now
Bound by the sorrows
We’ve painted on each other’s faces
Our tender, unspoken regrets

I used to see the world
Measured in rhyme
But these new shades
Echo in chaotic dissonance

And I don’t know what fits
And I don’t know where I am
If I can’t hear the patter
Of cosmic symmetry

But you revolve through my sky
Some kind of new, varying constant
And I know now
You are not certain

And the sun may fall on us
It may crush our days
But perhaps from the ash
We may stand once more, shoulder to shoulder

This is not the love song I wanted to sing
This is not the dream of love
That makes a bride giggle
But it is real

As torn flesh, and sleeplessness
And the winter desperation
For summer-heated skin
If only to know

You aren’t a walking corpse.

Leave a comment   |  tags: , | posted in Passion