viewingcamelot

I reached for You just now,
But Your service looked overrun
By some pressing affairs
Humans need done

Maybe a wedding or a funeral.

I’ll try again tomorrow.
Remember Your maidservant

In the meantime.

I want to move forward.
Show me the way.
Deliver me from all the lies
That cause me to stray.

I want to see a brighter day.

I have believed in love
As a natural force
Two notes combining
In their natural course
To create a third, separate gift.

I have believed in fairytales
Like science, like a creed,
Instead of the bait by which
We cause each other to bleed
The thing we offer, but take

The name we sign
To the checks we write ourselves,

I disperse love into the atmosphere;
If it pools and collects,
If it drips back to earth
So I can touch and reflect
On its substance
I will never doubt it again.

Love doesn’t move this way,
But
I believe in miracles.

It would be a likely chapter,
And quite the denouement
If the young prince,
The Pirate Spawn,

Became the tyrannous, villainous
King of these waters.

The younger wolf is hungrier,
Devouring more to climb faster.

The son exceeds the father.

Boys raised by a single mom
Are twice as likely to commit crime.

Teenage girls of the same
Are four times
More likely to get pregnant early

All of their chances
For mental health problems
More than double
As he walks out of the door.

Four times more likely
To live in poverty,
Fifty percent more likely to repeat a grade,
More likely to just drop out.
More likely to run away,
More likely to face adult unemployment,
More likely to struggle in future relationships.

So many More Likelys
Than I can bear typing.

I am thinking

Maybe I will not send him away.
I’m so tired of being alone all the time.
He’s the only one who sees me,
And what are his crimes?

He doesn’t feel something
He believes
The rest of us do.

If anyone else could,
They would.

But he can sabotage my faith
In what I try to do.
Is accepting him a variation
Of rejecting You?

Why are we out here?
What more can You do for me?
I’ve been given more than I deserve
But I don’t know who to be.

I am weighed down
And tangled up
By this moment in time
Where every potential existence is still fluid-
We are about to solidify
All our future paradigms.

My next reality is elective
And somehow entirely dependent.

I may grow roots,
Or I may
Blow away with the wind.

They were my friends.
They just watched,
But they couldn’t see me.

Jeremiah 15:19

Psalm 138

Author and Finisher

Deliver My Words
From faithless futility.
Take captive my thoughts
Beyond my ability.

You have regarded me closely,
Not from afar, like You regard
The haughty of spirit;
You stay near when it’s hard.

You told me in my youth
Extract the precious words
And discard the worthless
But I treated as equal all I heard.

I live in the lies and can’t be drawn out
If I cannot treat them as garbage,
Which is what they are:
A message of carnage.

I struggle to forgive
When I can’t lift my head
To see the greater truths
That dispel my dread.

Don’t give up until I’m clean.
I know how much it hurts,
How angrily I scream at You
I do everything in bursts-

I forgive, I stand, I bite, I cry,
I fall lost in my own snare
Free me Father, don’t let me die
Give me wisdom to get from here to there

Unfettered and able
To serve You unencumbered.
Multiply the days
I have foolishly squandered

Even knowing they were numbered.

I’ve been punchdrunk.
In the throes, the death rattle,
I felt the desire surge
To meet unfair battle
Wherein I am exposed, vulnerable,
With ruthless slaughter.
I felt the lineage of Witch,
Of which I am a ransomed daughter,
Calling me to bloodlust
And the transactional curse.
But I belong to You,
Deliver us all from the hearse

Of our hateful sins.

I Believe You.

I was wrongly holding them to the standard
Of brother and fellow-heir
Instead of bringing the balm of the gospel
Into the pirate lair.

I want to hold them accountable
As equals in the faith, before You,
But I must let go and forgive them;
They know not what they do.

Help me, and deliver me
From a life of useless activity.
Help me bring everyone I know
Back to the nativity,

Through the cross,

Onward into Your ascension.

Hide me in Yourself.