viewingcamelot

I wanted them to apologize
And make it right.
That was vindication
In my childlike sight.
But You vindicated me to me,
Even if their eyes will never open.
I am reminded that people
Aren’t vessels to put hope in.

They trampled me in drunken pride;
Sow humility.
Where their ends justified their means;
Sow futility.
They exalt themselves
Against Your ways,
They watched in secret, in cold souls,
Day after day after day

And never even offered a gentle hand.
They let me die all alone on cold stones.
These are crimes against Your ways.
They behave like they believe they own
Their own corner of the universe.
Like they’re big deals, the big to-do;
Heartlessly ignoring spiritual truths:
You vindicated me; Vindicate You.

Break the arrogance.
Humble the proud.
Remind Babel that what builds up,
Tumbles down.
Show them what You can do,
Show them You are there,
And when it comes to Your people,
You care.

They do not honor You
With their lives and attitudes.
They offer lip service:
Useless generosity, empty gratitude.
They love the false image of themselves
They’ve forged with the gold
You blessed them with:
Wondrous God of Old

Vindicate Yourself against them.
Show Yourself in power.
Rattle the bones on their flags.

I’m so grateful You’ve been with me,
Struggle to struggle,
Inside all the tasks
I’m still learning to juggle.
In the Perpetual Empty
Watching the waves
I begin sinking-
But my Messiah saves.
I know You’re working,
Because You keep telling me You are
Because Your promises can’t fail.
I can’t cover these scars
But You keep whispering to my soul
Since this all began
Someone is coming; I won’t be alone.
It’s hard to imagine a man
Who loves You,
And can love me.
Whose love could be pure
Not driven by usurpation or pity.
I can’t imagine sitting with a stranger.
I don’t want to start something new.
I don’t think I want love at all;
I’m not sure I can believe it’s true.
It isn’t good to be so alone.
I have been for so long.
Sometimes I curl up under the weight
That paralyzes skip and song.
No one has ever brought kindness
Into this space.
I’m scared if they did,
It would be wasted grace.
I don’t even want to sort it out,
Though I believe You cannot lie,
But I don’t know how to bear
Seeing myself in another man’s eyes.

He would have to look like You.

There hasn’t been a single victory here
That wasn’t wrought by Your hand
A God of Resurrection, Transformation,
This is all beyond what I can understand

I’m afraid, but I trust You.

You are Promise enough.
You’ve cared for my every need
So I’m just going to be still now,
And rest in Your lead.

These years have shaken me violently.
I’m just going to wait now, quietly.

Please never forget me.

“But I fear nothing because of the promises of Heaven; for I have cast myself into the hands of Almighty God.” St. Patrick

As an aid to help me
In the pivot and swivel,
My poetry got trapped
Between confession and drivel.
It’s been a long time, if at all,
Since I’ve written a poem of value.
My poetic flounderings
Reduce down into

Proverbs 18:2.

As I wrote of my deep flaws,
As I committed to the words,
You sang Flawless over my heart.
It isn’t unheard-

I want to believe in the impossible
Even when I can’t sing
Because You are still You
So there’s no such thing.

There’s nothing Your grace can’t cover.

Whenever I get especially lonely,
Wishing someone safe would hold me,
I look closely in the mirror
Seeing a million reasons to scold me
And I can’t imagine a soul
Could cross through the looking glass
To love me as

Fatally flawed as I am.

Then I’m glad to skip the rejection.

The world is threatening
To set itself on fire.
I should write a poem about that,
But I have nothing higher
To say than that God owns the day.

I believe this might be the big war,
The moment to change all lives
But whatever we need in the moment
I now know our God provides,
Every breath in the valley of the shadow of death.

And every variable is in His hand.

They fight for more of me
Than I can spread.
When I’m fully there for them
I have nothing for the work ahead.
To be with them as they need,
And have a job I keep
I have to entirely give up
On sleep.

Now that I’ve expressed
What the woman struggles to keep
What trips and traps, the slope
That slips, the downward steep-
In the relief of words spilled
I have again found
Renewed reminders:
I am duty-bound.

My children laugh in the other room
While I cook and clean and listen.
I have been given gifts in each of them,
And in the God who loves in all conditions.

I must focus where I’m needed,
Not where I feel need.

What I feel I need
Is a brother for shelter,
A shepherd to lead,
An intimate protector

For whatever comes next,
But these things may not
Exist in the flesh.

What I have been given
Beyond my foolish wishes
Is strength from heaven,
Endless loaves and fishes,

And a God who provides
Before the need.

Long past
Were these days present?

Some faint nostalgia calls
Like the black keys
The progression of fingerfalls
Dancing through the misery
And I was before language
When the notes played a masterpiece
Swirling through ivories and time
Did it transport me
To these days? To some beauty
That must still search out my soul?

It’s a corridor with two open doors
I felt forward; I now see back through
I hear the piano recollecting
Tenderly, as a primrose blooms,
How it sang years to me
While mine were still new
I have vague impressions
In smokey-ocean grays and blues
Of feeling these happenings approaching
Before one of them came true
Not in detailed view,
But as a series of emotional collisions.

But if, as a child, I could feel,
If, through the notes, I could see
Why did I always believe
A great Love was ahead of me?

Could I feel straight through to eternity?
Is that why I still feel Love is nearer to me?
Even closer than I think?

The Great Love Who calls and grants vision,

Who tells you what He is doing
Long before it appears,
Who describes His works
Before they draw near,
Who announces Himself,
Who blinds kings,
But gives children and paupers

The privilege to see.