I have believed
Though born of monsters
And capable of drawing blood
That if I kept myself muzzled
It would be enough
To change my DNA.
I have tried to call out
Every monster that feeds
As though the betrayal
Will prove I’m not theirs.
I have pulled teeth.
But the lie only exists
Because my eyes face outward.
Everyone who looks at me
Sees me.
Sees what I am.
All that’s left,
Now that I’ve seen me,
Is to fold in to the tragedy
That cannot be avoided,
And keep good people
Away.
I’m packing up my last bags.
I bled honest with them, to my shame.
They’re the witnesses in my wake.
The humiliations I sustained
Insults alongside my final breaks
By those who move on to better days.
The echoes of what they did to me,
And what they wouldn’t do for me,
Will follow my every road,
But they will never see,
They will never know,
The ghost in their joys.
I will fade quickly from memory.
Where there’s no remorse,
There’s no retention
The final petal follows its course
To the silent detention
Of waiting dirt and stillness.
They cannot understand
The guilt of their actions
So I give them their absolution
The weight of their exactions
Destroyed my solutions
But my brief window may have shattered either way.
I can never know.
Maybe the remainder of my days
Were meant to be spent
Like the rest of my tragic stay.
No one knew how to repent,
And they heard my full say.
I never found a way to make it okay.
Or to show them the horror of their pride.
And they were never honest or penitent.
I have been tempted
To wish them haunted
By the girl they abandoned to stones
As cold as their own souls
I think this has all been
Too much for my little spirit.
No one cares who sees me;
Not a word from those who hear it.
I came here in good faith,
And You are the only one
Who could possibly care
About all that’s been done.
The only longing of my soul
Can never be found.
I don’t understand
Why You didn’t let me drowned.
I want to run the race before me,
But I’m only adrift in the flow.
My tears are hidden in the current.
I yearn for the undertow.
He is noble and fallen man,
Sin-shackled and upright by Divine.
He is no pirate,
Neither is he mine.
We scratch what may itch;
We bleed how we bleed.
But inside the base,
Integrity rides a white steed
Searching for the source
Of the echo in his soul.
When he finds it
Father, Guide, Friend! What an adventure we’ve had!
How gratefully I sing For every day, the highs and lows, Gliding on billows Riding Your wings. The sunrises together, The sunsets that wept While You knit me to You, tethered Safe under feather, always kept.
I wouldn’t trade a single day For cold gold, or more hours, I would travel this way Again and again, if it were in my power
To dance in Your meaningful frivolity! To endure, to rejoice, to praise, to confess! What is quantity over quality But more of less?
And even when I ache, Even on the days I wish would end In the forever night Our adventure still transcends
At the first, as these tremors were landing, You gave me Isaiah 54, and Isaiah 62, but what had to come first? Isaiah 53, and Isaiah 61. You weave wonders in the open sky. You tell us what You will weave, and You weave it in full view, and it is too great for us to comprehend. You effect beauty. You radiate beauty. You suffer beauty, and You endow beauty.
Let me glow with You, and Your suffering, and Your blessing, and Your steadfast faithfulness! I bless Your name.
Isaiah 53:1-12 NASB1995
Who has believed our message? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot, And like a root out of parched ground; He has no stately form or majesty That we should look upon Him, Nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him. He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him. He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth. By oppression and judgment He was taken away; And as for His generation, who considered That He was cut off out of the land of the living For the transgression of my people, to whom the stroke was due? His grave was assigned with wicked men, Yet He was with a rich man in His death, Because He had done no violence, Nor was there any deceit in His mouth. But the Lord was pleased To crush Him, putting Him to grief; If He would render Himself as a guilt offering, He will see His offspring, He will prolong His days, And the good pleasure of the Lord will prosper in His hand. As a result of the anguish of His soul, He will see it and be satisfied; By His knowledge the Righteous One, My Servant, will justify the many, As He will bear their iniquities. Therefore, I will allot Him a portion with the great, And He will divide the booty with the strong; Because He poured out Himself to death, And was numbered with the transgressors; Yet He Himself bore the sin of many, And interceded for the transgressors. https://bible.com/bible/100/isa.53.1-12.NASB1995
Isaiah 61:1-11 NASB1995
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, Because the Lord has anointed me To bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And freedom to prisoners; To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, To grant those who mourn in Zion, Giving them a garland instead of ashes, The oil of gladness instead of mourning, The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. Then they will rebuild the ancient ruins, They will raise up the former devastations; And they will repair the ruined cities, The desolations of many generations. Strangers will stand and pasture your flocks, And foreigners will be your farmers and your vinedressers. But you will be called the priests of the Lord; You will be spoken of as ministers of our God. You will eat the wealth of nations, And in their riches you will boast. Instead of your shame you will have a double portion, And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion. Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land, Everlasting joy will be theirs. For I, the Lord, love justice, I hate robbery in the burnt offering; And I will faithfully give them their recompense And make an everlasting covenant with them. Then their offspring will be known among the nations, And their descendants in the midst of the peoples. All who see them will recognize them Because they are the offspring whom the Lord has blessed. I will rejoice greatly in the Lord, My soul will exult in my God; For He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. For as the earth brings forth its sprouts, And as a garden causes the things sown in it to spring up, So the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise To spring up before all the nations.
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