viewingcamelot

Being close to them
Reminded me of my love,
I saw a whole life there
Where I could be what I’m made of
And belong and bless.

Remembering my love
Brought to surface the pain
Of having the ones I chose
Treat me with such disdain
Having a warm heart tossed to the cold,
By the cold.

In my pain, I want to exact blood.
I want to return loss for loss,
But I wasn’t alone
Where I was tossed
God, You died with me,
And You brought me back.

I was right to release
My anger, my pain, my claim;
I won’t pick it up again.
I let go of the blame.
You love a planet full of people

Who won’t care about You.
Mine is just one building.
I guess We’ll both just keep on

Loving anyway.

I was a little bird
Never much to see.
Forgetful as I flew
Caught up in the horizon blue,
Dizzied by mountain and ocean views
The open sky the only place
I felt meant to be.

In the soar, the wind upon
My little wing
I lost my flock,
I somehow forgot
Or never took to thought
Our migratory patterns
What seasons bring.

I’ve never heard a flock
That shares my song
I’ve never found my home
Through all the lands I’ve flown
It hasn’t been so bad alone
But I wonder if any ever missed me
Wherever I belonged.

I could read the skies
Early on, I knew
This journey would be my last,
I sang goodbye to all I’ve passed
Following updrafts for one last cast
Into the unknown
Hoping as I flew

To hear my song from a distance
But my farewell aria is a solo.
If I didn’t fly and sing alone
No one I passed would know
The song that birds like me will sing-
And so it’s okay

That I never really found my way.

I’m so grateful You’ve been with me,
Struggle to struggle,
Inside all the tasks
I’m still learning to juggle.
In the Perpetual Empty
Watching the waves
I begin sinking-
But my Messiah saves.
I know You’re working,
Because You keep telling me You are
Because Your promises can’t fail.
I can’t cover these scars
But You keep whispering to my soul
Since this all began
Someone is coming; I won’t be alone.
It’s hard to imagine a man
Who loves You,
And can love me.
Whose love could be pure
Not driven by usurpation or pity.
I can’t imagine sitting with a stranger.
I don’t want to start something new.
I don’t think I want love at all;
I’m not sure I can believe it’s true.
It isn’t good to be so alone.
I have been for so long.
Sometimes I curl up under the weight
That paralyzes skip and song.
No one has ever brought kindness
Into this space.
I’m scared if they did,
It would be wasted grace.
I don’t even want to sort it out,
Though I believe You cannot lie,
But I don’t know how to bear
Seeing myself in another man’s eyes.

He would have to look like You.

There hasn’t been a single victory here
That wasn’t wrought by Your hand
A God of Resurrection, Transformation,
This is all beyond what I can understand

I’m afraid, but I trust You.

You are Promise enough.
You’ve cared for my every need
So I’m just going to be still now,
And rest in Your lead.

These years have shaken me violently.
I’m just going to wait now, quietly.

Please never forget me.

“But I fear nothing because of the promises of Heaven; for I have cast myself into the hands of Almighty God.” St. Patrick

As an aid to help me
In the pivot and swivel,
My poetry got trapped
Between confession and drivel.
It’s been a long time, if at all,
Since I’ve written a poem of value.
My poetic flounderings
Reduce down into

Proverbs 18:2.

As I wrote of my deep flaws,
As I committed to the words,
You sang Flawless over my heart.
It isn’t unheard-

I want to believe in the impossible
Even when I can’t sing
Because You are still You
So there’s no such thing.

There’s nothing Your grace can’t cover.

Whenever I get especially lonely,
Wishing someone safe would hold me,
I look closely in the mirror
Seeing a million reasons to scold me
And I can’t imagine a soul
Could cross through the looking glass
To love me as

Fatally flawed as I am.

Then I’m glad to skip the rejection.

The world is threatening
To set itself on fire.
I should write a poem about that,
But I have nothing higher
To say than that God owns the day.

I believe this might be the big war,
The moment to change all lives
But whatever we need in the moment
I now know our God provides,
Every breath in the valley of the shadow of death.

And every variable is in His hand.

They fight for more of me
Than I can spread.
When I’m fully there for them
I have nothing for the work ahead.
To be with them as they need,
And have a job I keep
I have to entirely give up
On sleep.

Now that I’ve expressed
What the woman struggles to keep
What trips and traps, the slope
That slips, the downward steep-
In the relief of words spilled
I have again found
Renewed reminders:
I am duty-bound.

My children laugh in the other room
While I cook and clean and listen.
I have been given gifts in each of them,
And in the God who loves in all conditions.

I must focus where I’m needed,
Not where I feel need.

What I feel I need
Is a brother for shelter,
A shepherd to lead,
An intimate protector

For whatever comes next,
But these things may not
Exist in the flesh.

What I have been given
Beyond my foolish wishes
Is strength from heaven,
Endless loaves and fishes,

And a God who provides
Before the need.