viewingcamelot

What’s happening?

I can feel it breaking free,
Like a sand bar eroding
And tumbling into the sea.

What’s happening?

You are still You.
I still belong to You.

I may never have made it
Out of the murder room,
But look at the tea party we’ve had
And if I end up leaving here soon

I’d like to reserve a table for Two
Up there with You.

Whatever it’s worth,
It’s all Yours.

Hear me again,
Like You alone have, in every age,

I know I’m broken and bizarre.
People hate me
Or pity me.

I can’t tell the difference.

But I am Yours.
For whatever it’s worth.

Melt my resistance.

It feels like You’re talking to me
More frequently again;
Please hold me close.
Is something about to happen?

I don’t like the striving world.
I don’t like the constant tug-of-more.
Always shoving to grab
We were made for

The opposite thing.
I died in this place,
Will You resurrect?
Move with grace

Like You do with a seed
That falls to the ground.
Somehow through the death
You cause life to abound.

I am grateful
For all You’ve provided
All You’ve protected
The way You have guided.

You can do anything.
And I no longer care
What You do-

Just keep me close to You.

I’m ill-fitted for anything else.
I’m done, but You, be known
In mercy, in love- I’ve run dry.
I’m by necessity alone.

I’ve don’t have what people usually want.
I’m exhausted to be.
I can’t pretend; I don’t wish to try.
Do You still want me?

Why do You want me?
I’m sorry I wasted me.

You’ve been so generous.
Help me believe,
Not what’s wrong-
Help me see

The beauty You weave.
Help me sing You a new song.

I want to feel happy.

Here You are again.

(Waiting outside the ER on a Tuesday. )

I allow,
I have always allowed
The worst to have its say.
I’ve wrapped my face with a shroud
Of lies.

I have believed
Every bad thing the enemy said
Through any willing mouthpiece
I have beaten myself, run, hid,
Quit- all because of shadow puppets.

I don’t know
What the truth of me is
But I’ll throw out the highs and lows
Whatever is left, is His-
Whatever I am, I am God’s.

I trust
If I have life left ahead
Or if I don’t, because truth must out
Whether I am alive or dead,
He can teach me who I am.

He might be
The only one on the planet

Who sees me.

I believe You hovered over the waters.

I believe You are I AM.
You speak and it is.
The Word Omnipotent.

I believe You knew,
And You knelt in the dust
And formed us anyway
In love.

I believe we had one tree,
One rule, one opportunity
To obey or disobey

In the middle of relational paradise.

I believe You answered Job
Out of a whirlwind.

I believe You taught Noah
How to build an ark in the desert.
You broke open the canopies.
You felt grief at the evil in man.

I believe You called Abraham,
Isaac, and Jacob

You walked with them,
And wrestled with them,
To make them Yours.

I believe You delivered Joseph,
And delivered many through him.

I believe You rescued Moses,
And rescued many through him.

I believe You smote Egypt
To be known by Egypt,
You parted the great waters
To deliver the humble
And to punish the proud.

You buried Moses,
You Yourself,
In an unknown grave.

You met Gideon in the winepress.
You heard Jonah from a fish belly,
And convicted him with a worm.
You heard Hannah
And caused Samuel to hear You.
You held Saul accountable,
And walked with David in grace,

You honored Bathsheeba by Solomon.

You split the kingdom
To render justice,
But you tarried with them
Unto restoration

You led them at home.
When they didn’t listen,
You led them in exile,
But You always sought them,
Spoke to them,

As Your possession.

You called Cyrus
An eagle from Persia
To be Your instrument

To restore Your people.

You wrote Rahab and Ruth
Into Your DNA.

God Infinite-
You became flesh.
Life Eternal-
You experienced death:
Messy, excruciating, alienating.

The Word Incarnate.
You walked with man
As You’ve always done
But in the humility of a body
You broke bread.
You shared wine.
Blinkless God
Slept.

You felt the constant company
Of deceitful betrayal.

You loved,
And having loved,
Loved to the end.

You made a way
Where there was no way
For us to be whole in Your sight,
For grief to give way to joy.
It is finished.

You are finishing it up,
Summing all things up in Yourself,
Collecting Your remaining treasures,

So we may live
And breathe and move
And have our being
In the light of Your radiance
Forever loved and near to You

For all eternity onward.

I believe You.
I believe it all.

And the devil may trick me,
And evil may abuse me,
And I may doubt me,
And I may waste me,

But You cannot be other,
Or less,
Than all You are.

You are All in All:
God Most Beautiful,
Most Holy,
Most Wise,
Most Wonderful,
Most Kind:

God Most High.

I believe You,
Because You are the highest Truth.

Everything else
Is polluted by lies,

But You shine
Pure Light,
Pure Life,
Pure Love.

I believe You.
I believe it all.

And I’m so glad You Are.

My mother is alone
Near the end
Without resources,
Without help, or friends,

Would You save her
From the consequences
Of the choices she can’t remember?

It’s unjust on the face,
But in love, it’s grace.

My husband said
She was right about me,
I’ll end up alone like her,
It’s hard not to doubt me

Would You save me
From the consequences
Of the choices I can’t remember?

I repeated every mistake
But Your love is the only thing at stake:

And I am convinced
That neither death nor life,
Neither angels nor demons,
Neither the present nor the future,
Nor any powers,
Neither height nor depth,
Nor anything else in all creation,
Will be able to separate us
From the love of God
that is in
Christ Jesus our Lord.

I believe You.
Would You show me a preview?

I have to believe You can make a way.

The sun breaks.
I didn’t sleep.
They all seem so cruel.
If You didn’t keep

Reminding me
I would forget

That You love me.

This place feels
Like my punishment.
I crafted the choice
And the regret

Is impossible
To escape from

Deliver me.

Everything is in constant risk,
And all my friends
Became my worst enemies
If this is how it ends

Take me graciously,
Quietly,

Whatever You will do,
Do quickly.

And don’t let my enemies watch.

But in the waning light,
The weeping faith,
The broken knees,
The forgotten love,
With all that’s left of me-
With nothing held back:

I still believe You.
I still believe it all.

It’s time to exhume the gypsy.
She knows the roads
The tangled junctions, wooded passes,
How the river flows
When to hide, and when to run;
She could time the leap
That I will not take.
She refuses what I keep.

She is my dark twin,
And in her veins
Our dark blood courses-
Only I know her name

And I will never speak it.
Her name aloud

Pierces like a curse.

It’s notable, unusual,
I’ve been developing
An internal sense
Of the Patriarch, the Pirate King:

An impression of a hard man,
Teeth gritted in intransigence
Proud to stand on his quarterdeck
In impunity and impenitence.

I do not know the man,
But in a desert land
I would be reluctant to accept
A glass of water from his hand.