viewingcamelot

It’s funny.

When I was trying to get away from him
The company hobbled my knees,
But now I’m grateful for him here
I tuck myself inside his hands and pray that he
Can help me get farther away

From the pirate company.

I was thinking about
Chocolate chip cookies
All over the toddlers ‘ faces
Pretending they aren’t eating them still:

All men are born liars.

I came so many miles
Looking for an echo of home,
Following the aroma of wood fires,
Threshed grass, and turned earth;
The trip was worth all I owned:
All I’d built. All I’d earned.
I landed first in a place
Wearing the face of all I remembered,
But underneath the disguise,
Corruption, coldness, lies, suspicion
Dismembered the little bit
I had left to hold
Before I got away.

This place became the grave marker
For my last belief in home,
Or decent men,
Or my tender treasures of soul.

I am becoming something different now
The kind of thing they abused and tossed aside,

A thing surviving,

Wiser, but I find myself
Wishing I’d saved myself;

I wish I’d kept on driving.

I wonder how many men
Build their world on others’ bones?

Probably all the ones who build.
Can any structure survive time
Standing on such wicked foundations?

I hope not.
I hope, in time, they receive their bill.

God knows.

I reached for You just now,
But Your service looked overrun
By some pressing affairs
Humans need done

Maybe a wedding or a funeral.

I’ll try again tomorrow.
Remember Your maidservant

In the meantime.

I want to move forward.
Show me the way.
Deliver me from all the lies
That cause me to stray.

I want to see a brighter day.

I have believed in love
As a natural force
Two notes combining
In their natural course
To create a third, separate gift.

I have believed in fairytales
Like science, like a creed,
Instead of the bait by which
We cause each other to bleed
The thing we offer, but take

The name we sign
To the checks we write ourselves,

I disperse love into the atmosphere;
If it pools and collects,
If it drips back to earth
So I can touch and reflect
On its substance
I will never doubt it again.

Love doesn’t move this way,
But
I believe in miracles.

It would be a likely chapter,
And quite the denouement
If the young prince,
The Pirate Spawn,

Became the tyrannous, villainous
King of these waters.

The younger wolf is hungrier,
Devouring more to climb farther.

The son exceeds the father.

Boys raised by a single mom
Are twice as likely to commit crime.

Teenage girls of the same
Are four times
More likely to get pregnant early

All of their chances
For mental health problems
More than double
As he walks out of the door.

Four times more likely
To live in poverty,
Fifty percent more likely to repeat a grade,
More likely to just drop out.
More likely to run away,
More likely to face adult unemployment,
More likely to struggle in future relationships.

So many More Likelys
Than I can bear typing.

I am thinking

Maybe I will not send him away.
I’m so tired of being alone all the time.
He’s the only one who sees me,
And what are his crimes?

He doesn’t feel something
He believes
The rest of us do.

If anyone else could,
They would.

But he can sabotage my faith
In what I try to do.
Is accepting him a variation
Of rejecting You?

Why are we out here?
What more can You do for me?
I’ve been given more than I deserve
But I don’t know who to be.

I am weighed down
And tangled up
By this moment in time
Where every potential existence is still fluid-
We are about to solidify
All our future paradigms.

My next reality is elective
And somehow entirely dependent.

I may grow roots,
Or I may
Blow away with the wind.

They were my friends.
They just watched,
But they couldn’t see me.