Monthly Archives: October 2018


I feel overwhelmed
And my familiar alone.
The weight bears down,
Under which I groan

Unheard and unknown.

It’s time to smile,
To cook, to play;
It’s time to give
My kids their day,

Swallowing what I cannot say.

Endless tasks in every column,
Resistance from every side,
Pushing my way through
The brutal riptide

So I can know I tried.


I cannot get there from here.
I cannot fix what’s broken.
I cannot attain to You;
I fight to maintain You’ve spoken,

And these things are not just tokens
Of my failure.


“Not that I have already obtained it
or have already become perfect,
but I press on
so that I may lay hold of that
for which also I was laid hold of
by Christ Jesus.
Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet;
but one thing I do:
forgetting what lies behind
and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
I press on toward the goal
for the prize of the upward call of God
in Christ Jesus.
Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude;
and if in anything you have a different attitude,
God will reveal that also to you;”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭3:12-15‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Your forgiveness flows
In fathomless depths
And I sink below
Brought to breath
By the oxygen of grace;
Washed clean
Where bitterness defaced:
The place unseen.

A sudden turning;
A fresh beginning.
Once burning,
Bleeding, sinning-
Chewing questions
Like shattered glass,
Like broken bastions
Of empires past.

Ocular scales shed to ground,
Questions falling each alone,
Like wilted leaves, soundless
Before Your Holy throne
I tremble and forgive, subdued.
I confess and boldly stand-
Because if faith pleases You,
Let it guide my hand.

My reluctance dissolves
In view of Your glory,
You choose to involve
Blind-me in Your story,
And that will ever be enough
Nay, more than plenty-
I let go; I give up-
I beg You to send me

To love, to serve, to proclaim, to suffer,
For the glory of Your name.

“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance
and the sin which so easily entangles us,
and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith,
who for the joy set before Him endured the cross,
despising the shame,
and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:1-2‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I Believe

You spoke over me
When I was yet Your enemy,
Before I could see,
And I believe.

Your sacrifice is deep:
Invulnerability to bleed,
Life to taste death, to keep
Even Your lost and wandering sheep

May I never blaspheme!
You are ever supreme,
Worthy beyond highest esteem:
You speak and I am redeemed.

I believe You-
Beyond what I am, through
Every age past- imbued
With Your promises true
And good

And I believe You,
And I repent,

And I surrender
Come what may!

Father Almighty

I’m so sorry-
Like Jonah on the hill
I only submitted to see them killed
I waited for You to defend-
No, to choose me over them,
And in the worst of the violence,
And in Your displeased silence,
My heart accused the Almighty
Subtly, unsettling and unsightly,
I accused You of utilitarian favor,
Or at my worst, of being a slaver;
Even You, who sets the captive free:
Forgive me! Forgive me

The jagged case I’ve defended,
The complaints I’ve extended
Like a bitter shard- sharp, twisted,
Squeezed and shaken in a bleeding fist
At them, at me, and also at You.
I didn’t want the truth;
I wanted compensation.
Forgive me this degradation.
I wasted it all.
Your kindness- Your call-
I orchestrated my impotence
And undermined my inheritance:
I am so sorry.

Complexity and Complicity

Forgive me my ancient remedy,
My overthinking, my overwringing
Each moment into a cacophony
Of strained, offkey singing

When I feel overwrought.

You gifted me to look inside,
And underneath, and from afar
A gift to see conclusions implied,
To guide my wandering star

By unknown charts and graphs.

Your gifts preserved me
I’m thinking on them oft again-
My years now stretch to eight and thirty:
You discipled me in lone places when

I wasted so much trying to join a club.

Disciple me again in this foreign land
I use this overthinking
To try to understand
When my engagement started sinking

Into the deep barrier of me:

To find the ladder back out-
I can feel another cistern
Of grief, and anger, and doubt
And I know I must return

To the spot, to break open the earth

I want to be angry,
Because I know if it’s not true
I enslaved myself to agree,
To believe them over You

And there’s nothing left but to repent-

Which I know I will do,
But I thought they held the keys-
They didn’t permit me pass through-
And now could it be

It only mattered who held the Truth?

It only mattered who the Truth held?

An Elephant, a House, and a Temple

My herbivore teeth ruminate
On the sacred elephant.
Bite and chew, the juices make
Indelible prints,
But bit by bit, bite by bite,
The portions remaining shrink,
I lift my head in daylight
Because it’s not about what I think,

But whether I choose to chew.

Tasked with repairing a home
Touched by elements of decay,
Standing crooked on ancient bones,
Half exhausted and rotted away
And wired wrong- too much
May spark eruption
A roof that crumbles at the touch:
A constant threat of corruption

And who cares for the old
in the face of the new?

I fill the cracks, pull off the vines,
Whispering, “”I believe You.”
How can I hold back the hands of time?
But death, but life, remain Your purview.
I begin to sense my anguish
Spreads beyond the disrepair
Were every inch refurbished,
And the holy calling spared

Wouldn’t I still be too old, too broken, to fulfill any purpose there?

I am the house; it is me.
Our fate is linked by common trust;
No promise of return, and costly,
And who would choose to build that up?
We both sit abandoned, irreparable,
But for the hope of Your activity-
I may not see how it’s accomplishable,
But I’ve glimpsed Your creativity,

And I know You resurrect beauty from the ashes-
You are ever victorious:
Calling forth the diminished
Into the Glorious

By Your Fiat.

“’The latter glory of this house will be greater than the former,’
says the LORD of hosts,
‘and in this place I will give peace,’
declares the LORD of hosts.””
Haggai‬ ‭2:9‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Of a Monday

Praise Your name!
These wordless days
Gush forward
In endless praise.

The Lamb redeems the donkey;
One must die before the Adjudicator,
And You have spared
The lesser with the Greater.

Endless patience shown
As I mull over eternity,
The high things, and the low,
In audacity and humility.

Forgive my presumptions,
Ever a bridge too far
Grant my life may honor You
For everything You are

And remember I am dust.