Forgive me my ancient remedy,
My overthinking, my overwringing
Each moment into a cacophony
Of strained, offkey singing
When I feel overwrought.
You gifted me to look inside,
And underneath, and from afar
A gift to see conclusions implied,
To guide my wandering star
By unknown charts and graphs.
Your gifts preserved me
I’m thinking on them oft again-
My years now stretch to eight and thirty:
You discipled me in lone places when
I wasted so much trying to join a club.
Disciple me again in this foreign land
I use this overthinking
To try to understand
When my engagement started sinking
Into the deep barrier of me:
To find the ladder back out-
I can feel another cistern
Of grief, and anger, and doubt
And I know I must return
To the spot, to break open the earth
I want to be angry,
Because I know if it’s not true
I enslaved myself to agree,
To believe them over You
And there’s nothing left but to repent-
Which I know I will do,
But I thought they held the keys-
They didn’t permit me pass through-
And now could it be
It only mattered who held the Truth?
It only mattered who the Truth held?