I’m so sorry-
Like Jonah on the hill
I only submitted to see them killed
I waited for You to defend-
No, to choose me over them,
And in the worst of the violence,
And in Your displeased silence,
My heart accused the Almighty
Subtly, unsettling and unsightly,
I accused You of utilitarian favor,
Or at my worst, of being a slaver;
Even You, who sets the captive free:
Forgive me! Forgive me
The jagged case I’ve defended,
The complaints I’ve extended
Like a bitter shard- sharp, twisted,
Squeezed and shaken in a bleeding fist
At them, at me, and also at You.
I didn’t want the truth;
I wanted compensation.
Forgive me this degradation.
I wasted it all.
Your kindness- Your call-
I orchestrated my impotence
And undermined my inheritance:
I am so sorry.