viewingcamelot

Being close to them
Reminded me of my love,
I saw a whole life there
Where I could be what I’m made of
And belong and bless.

Remembering my love
Brought to surface the pain
Of having the ones I chose
Treat me with such disdain
Having a warm heart tossed to the cold,
By the cold.

In my pain, I want to exact blood.
I want to return loss for loss,
But I wasn’t alone
Where I was tossed
God, You died with me,
And You brought me back.

I was right to release
My anger, my pain, my claim;
I won’t pick it up again.
I let go of the blame.
You love a planet full of people

Who won’t care about You.
Mine is just one building.
I guess We’ll both just keep on forgiving

Keep on loving anyway.

I pressed the wound
And it bled

Infection.

Look how sharp
My tongue has become.

How does it heal
When it can’t be made right?

How did You forgive
The ones behind every strike

You received in return for love?

Did you forgive them in their remorselessness?

I wanted to know them directly
In honesty.

Instead

Everything they know about me
Is fruit of the poisonous tree

Oh what a tangled web to weave.

I was a little bird
Never much to see.
Forgetful as I flew
Caught up in the horizon blue,
Dizzied by mountain and ocean views
The open sky the only place
I felt meant to be.

In the soar, the wind upon
My little wing
I lost my flock,
I somehow forgot
Or never took to thought
Our migratory patterns
What seasons bring.

I’ve never heard a flock
That shares my song
I’ve never found my home
Through all the lands I’ve flown
It hasn’t been so bad alone
But I wonder if any ever missed me
Wherever I belonged.

I could read the skies
Early on, I knew
This journey would be my last,
I sang goodbye to all I’ve passed
Following updrafts for one last cast
Into the unknown
Hoping as I flew

To hear my song from a distance
But my farewell aria is a solo.
If I didn’t fly and sing alone
No one I passed would know
The song that birds like me will sing-
And so it’s okay

That I never really found my way.

The pirates stood on their deck
Safely watching from a distance
As one lone swimmer
Fought with every ounce of resistance
Drowning mouthful by mouthful
Over the course of a year
Every day they watched;
They never drew near.
Some thought it a pity-
More taunted and hissed.
Some pirates used the swimmer
For game, for target practice.
None spoke for the cause;
None reached out to help.
They were all too good
To save a drowning whelp.
They treated a dying soul
As so much flotsam and jetsam,
They just watched them,
They just let them

Die alone.

Humans are responsible
Upon seeing.
A pirate must not be
Any real human being.

I wanted them to apologize
And make it right.
That was vindication
In my childlike sight.
But You vindicated me to me,
Even if their eyes will never open.
I am reminded that people
Aren’t vessels to put hope in.

They trampled me in drunken pride;
Sow humility.
Where their ends justified their means,
Sow futility.
They exalt themselves
Against Your ways,
They watched in secret, in cold souls,
Day after day after day

And never even offered a gentle hand.
They let me die all alone on cold stones.
These are crimes against Your ways.
They behave like they believe they own
Their own corner of the universe.
Like they’re big deals, the big to-do;
Heartlessly ignoring spiritual truths:
You vindicated me; Vindicate You.

Break the arrogance.
Humble the proud.
Remind Babel that what builds up,
Tumbles down.
Show them what You can do.
Show them You are there,
And when it comes to Your people,
You care.

They do not honor You
With their lives and attitudes.
They offer lip service:
Useless generosity, empty gratitude.
They love the false image of themselves
They’ve forged with the gold
You blessed them with:
Wondrous God of Old

Vindicate Yourself against them.
Show Yourself in power.
Rattle the bones on their flags.

I’m so grateful You’ve been with me,
Struggle to struggle,
Inside all the tasks
I’m still learning to juggle.
In the Perpetual Empty
Watching the waves
I begin sinking-
But my Messiah saves.
I know You’re working,
Because You keep telling me You are
Because Your promises can’t fail.
I can’t cover these scars
But You keep whispering to my soul
Since this all began
Someone is coming; I won’t be alone.
It’s hard to imagine a man
Who loves You,
And can love me.
Whose love could be pure
Not driven by usurpation or pity.
I can’t imagine sitting with a stranger.
I don’t want to start something new.
I don’t think I want love at all;
I’m not sure I can believe it’s true.
It isn’t good to be so alone.
I have been for so long.
Sometimes I curl up under the weight
That paralyzes skip and song.
No one has ever brought kindness
Into this space.
I’m scared if they did,
It would be wasted grace.
I don’t even want to sort it out,
Though I believe You cannot lie,
But I don’t know how to bear
Seeing myself in another man’s eyes.

He would have to look like You.

There hasn’t been a single victory here
That wasn’t wrought by Your hand
A God of Resurrection, Transformation,
This is all beyond what I can understand

I’m afraid, but I trust You.

You are Promise enough.
You’ve cared for my every need
So I’m just going to be still now,
And rest in Your lead.

These years have shaken me violently.
I’m just going to wait now, quietly.

Please never forget me.

“But I fear nothing because of the promises of Heaven; for I have cast myself into the hands of Almighty God.” St. Patrick

As an aid to help me
In the pivot and swivel,
My poetry got trapped
Between confession and drivel.
It’s been a long time, if at all,
Since I’ve written a poem of value.
My poetic flounderings
Reduce down into

Proverbs 18:2.

As I wrote of my deep flaws,
As I committed to the words,
You sang Flawless over my heart.
It isn’t unheard-

I want to believe in the impossible
Even when I can’t sing
Because You are still You
So there’s no such thing.

There’s nothing Your grace can’t cover.

Whenever I get especially lonely,
Wishing someone safe would hold me,
I look closely in the mirror
Seeing a million reasons to scold me
And I can’t imagine a soul
Could cross through the looking glass
To love me as

Fatally flawed as I am.

Then I’m glad to skip the rejection.