My bones weren’t crushed

But broken all the same.

They’ve healed now, twice as strong

As their original frame,

And You knew they would.

How odd these scars

Dealt by devastating blows

Could bring a smile

Because now they show

How You healed them.

Your great big Love

Mends where it moves.

I have tasted, seen.

It always proves

You alone are God,

And I am Yours.

Am I here again?

Will the peace descend

To reveal another war,

Another bloody shore?

Will I stand and fight,

Or hide from Your sight

Every secret You always knew?

Will I sing Your truth

Or burn my lies?

My smoke-filled skies

Cover the light of victory.

Will I find a bit of bravery

To announce Your deeds?

How many will bleed

For my cowardice?

Battle’s early mists

Can no longer thrill.

Even if I lose, even if I’m killed,

I cannot be destroyed

Or discarded to the void

To suffer any more.

I’ve fought here before,

And You raised my bones.

So I’ll stand for my only home,

The unseen kingdom.

He said, “God’ll love you baby

Just be Holy like He is.”

But I’m only holey like a pair a jeans,

And these things are big-biz,

Formal attire.

I’ve worn the nice clothes,

Don’t get me wrong, nice yokes,

But grease stains and coffee grinds

Strain the eyes of cleaner folks,

Who look away.

He said, “God’ll love you baby,

Just walk that narrow line.”

But I’m lucky I can walk at all,

Lucky when I feel just fine

In the morning sun.

I’d walk it if I could, I swear,

But I don’t see so good sometimes.

I’m good at apologizing later,

Or forgiving other people’s crimes.

Shame that don’t count.

I said, “God, will you love me Baby,

When I clean up, someday I will, I swear.”

He walked with me through littered streets.

He said, “I love you now, baby, I’m here

Because I’m holy enough for two.

I brought an eternity.

Can I spend it with you?”

Did I forget

Who owned the words?

Did I let emotions

Paint reason into absurd?

Did I forget

Whose story I tell?

Did I let fear

Take over and quell

The gift of resolve?

–

These scars are heavy

When no longer hidden.

I may not be ready,

But I feel I’m driven.

Is that enough to stand,

To persevere though pained?

Would You force this hand

So unsure, so untrained,

To trace the words You choose?

All I am, all I’ve been,

Belongs solely to You,

My timeless love, my ageless friend.

God, I don’t deserve a friend like You.

You silently shoulder all of my abuse.

I beat at You sometimes; You wait

For my childish emotions to abate.

When I stutter, my resolve slips low,

When You should really say, “I told you so,”

You sing softly, smooth my hair,

Soothingly release where I’m ensnared.

Myopia: I don’t know what to pray.

I only live in yesterday.

I forget today, forget there’s a tomorrow.

I cannot pay back what I’ve borrowed.

Shalom: what is the cost of whole?

This nephesh, this breath of soul?

I forget there are more than merely days,

Silenced by Your higher ways.

At risk of discarding this current beauty,

I don’t deserve all you do for me,

But I am eternally grateful.

These many promises

I have broken, You have kept

Are still seared into my soul

From steps to steps to steps.

While under the blanket of sovereignty

I try to hide my wayward heart;

Prone to wander into moral poverty

And pulled, in all directions, apart

Like a patient etherised upon a table

I do not move, but lay so still.

My condition seems ever more unstable,

But the outcome flows from Your immutable will.

Sometimes, through the haze, I hear You ask

To flex my hand, or wiggle my toes,

And for You I try to complete these tasks

Though whether I’m succesful, I do not know.

I believe I do the best I can,

Though I’m always at my worst.

I believe I’m guided by Your hand,

Though I grasp the others first.

Under the weight of you

I let out a little cry

Nearly inaudible.

It’s a whimpering sigh

That God hears as prayer and

Continues His motion

His everlasting work

Of our great redemption

And His glorification.

Your burden is lessened

By His forever truth.

Today the demons bare their fangs:
Stench of memory, misplaced identity,
Years of acquired security rearrange;
Yield in perfect complicity.

Old mother habit picks up my load
Upon my back, instinctively move.
Pavement footfalls grind the road,
Carving out my ancient groove.

But the air is fresh and feels like home.
I am, again, where I grew
Untended, unnoticed, unknown,
In the eyes of God, who always knew.

I walk these prayers in solitude.
Our relationship matures through time.
I drop my guard until I’m nude;
Vulnerable before Divine.

When the sky, in gracious black,
Spreads to cover the bit of me,
Though my feet just circle back,
I know this journey is complete.

Once again I laugh above, breathe beneath;
Slurp the wine, and sip the dregs.
For these demons have their razor teeth,
But they have such puny little legs.

Dear God,

I cannot give you a careless word

Nor bear those already heard;

Pelted at Your heavenly ears

Before my blinded lips were sealed.

We scrape for momentary silence

In this realm of clanging violence,

And catch glimpses of Your face

Only in serene or somber places.

Solid skies with twisted stars;

Traces of light, unattainable, far

Removed from hearts, from hands-

We treat You like we understand.

I do not understand, cannot comprehend

A love that dwells in my darkest sins

And rises again to defend

With grace: A love that mends.

I see You in majestic storms

That shake the heavens, bellow warnings,

But drench with needed rain.

I tremble every time You refrain.

We are arrogant, sniveling creatures

Who boast and brag of our fleshly features

And ignore the fury in Your grace;

Your gentle, but relentless pace.

May I never forget Your heart:

A consuming, restless fire, You start

To tear down every inner wall

Just when I finally knew it all.

I don’t know You at all. I can’t comprehend

A God who bends around my rends

To love an enemy-

Which is all I am.

These rainy days seep in;
Drops soak the thoughts underneath.
Ink greedily sips them.
Reason slowly bleeds
Into the beauty of the blend.

Perhaps this means I’ve sinned,
But God hangs on regardless;
My ever constant, stalwart friend
While I fail every hard test
With flying colors every time.

He piles grace upon my crimes.
I get to breathe, even smile.
These thoughts, once maligned,
Are washed from the vile
By the gracious rain He pours on me:
A touch of clean, a taste of free.

Gray holds all the beauty of gold.