Their Wellness

Show me how
To go back to the table.
I live in these shadows
And my hope is unstable
I long to be myself again.
I write drunken verse
Because I cannot be honest sober
Because it’s worse
To feel the sticks against
Your exposed vulnerabilities
Than to pretend you don’t feel
Anything but utility.
Why couldn’t they allow me?
I just wanted a chance
To build something stable
Something to withstand
The next earthquake.
Why wasn’t there anything in me
Worth saving?
Worth protecting

For just long enough

For me to stand
On my own two feet

They won. I’m gone.
I live in the defeat
And I wait with dread
For whatever comes next instead.