When the old one became mine
Desperately, I tried
To imagine some good end.
But the disrepair I found there
Was the cloudy mirror
I’ve been trapped in.
I prayed out to You
Like a shout at the moon
From some guttural place of neglect
Where hope and despair
Wrestle in silent air
For a footing of respect
And I became the old one quickly,
Or it became me
My words peeled like lead paint.
I sat barren in my own decay
In the impotence of all I could say
Signifying nothing, nothing to gain
The old one went for a song I guess,
And I… I went for even less
Silenced by my own faithless frustration,
The upsurge of resigned sympathy
For the useless and broken in we,
Propped up in tangible manifestation.
Four years of struggle and dismay
Pushing forward and pushing away
Almost to the day, but You guarded we.
I can only let go
If You say so
This is hard, but sweet
As You’re in charge of all.
I asked You then on thin straws
Who would choose to build old into new?
I understand now, it’s even beyond design
And potential- value is assigned
By a world of factors outside my view:
Even in dilapidation and distress.
So I untwist my tongue to confess
If a word written, or dropping from my tongue,
Can be appraised by You as worthy,
Then I will bring an offering,
Against the beat a contrary drum.
Meager old one am I, but if Your tenderness
Surveys the rubble and says “Value Is”
Then work on my old bones
Take me under tool and hand
Make me what You say I am,
In the fury and finality You atone
As strong as death, beyond the grave,
I cannot see the value in me, save
The hope You appraise broken old things
By a system I cannot see, yet gives
Ability, significance- a chance to live
To the broken-down we.
October 30th, 2021 at 8:47 pm
Beautiful spoken prayer, Cinnamon, from a heart given to God in utter humility and trust, to which I can only add, Amen, and Amen! His grace is sufficient! Praise His holy Name.
October 30th, 2021 at 9:03 pm
Pax, friend. ❤
His grace is sufficient! He is sufficient in all things, with undeserved tenderness in His depths for we who aren’t born citizens of such grace: reborn citizens, must be. Praise Him for Him, and for His care of those of us who cannot earn or deserve such a lavish love. I pray I can keep knocking at the door, so I can return some love-in-kind to such a kind King.
❤ 😊 It’s good to hear from you, Dora. Thank you!
October 30th, 2021 at 9:12 pm
And so I pray with you, friend. May God bless and keep you. It’s always good to see your posts! 💝
October 30th, 2021 at 9:21 pm
May He bless you and keep you as well, until we meet in eternity to praise Him side by side. 🥰
October 30th, 2021 at 9:41 pm
Amen! Even so, come Lord Jesus!