I’ve never been closer
To breaking my pen
And swallowing the ink forever,
To drink my chagrin,
She broke us again and again
Whenever she was in the mood
She fed us poisoned contempt
Curses folded in baby food
Whispering, “I love you most,
I alone, only I will love you,”
Ungrateful crying babies-
She broke us in plain view
Exposed, embarrased, nude
Reaching out to build our jury
In some kind of desperate tenderness
But no bond withstood her fury
And the rulings became permanent
When we came of age:
Our crime, our trial, our punishment,
Existed in her rage.
I never received a pardon,
I fled with open fingertips
Clawing at the right to work,
The hidden, bagless, moonlit trip
To stand in line, submitting to
Strangers agreeing in back rooms
Managers of flesh and shame
Who sometimes train as they groom-
No one loves like she does.
In the entirety of sacrifice
Her whole life among the stars
Her future a veritable paradise-
From such adoring heights,
For us, magnanimously she fell
Disassembling her heaven,
To build the furnace of our hell.
No one loves us like she does,
Whose able hands
Tore apart every gentle thing
Solely so I could understand
Nothing gentle can stand,
If it doesn’t bite you, best beware,
It’s too weak to bear you-
Every tender thing will tear.
In the abundance of her words
I lose all the years between
These tender bonds I’ve tried to build,
Seem make-believe, a lucid dream,
I wait for her to appear
With her trusty can of gasoline
And the fire in her soul:
The toll I have foreseen.

And if I survive,
I may never tell my story again.

About viewingcamelot View all posts by viewingcamelot

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