God, I don’t deserve a friend like You.

You silently shoulder all of my abuse.

I beat at You sometimes; You wait

For my childish emotions to abate.

When I stutter, my resolve slips low,

When You should really say, “I told you so,”

You sing softly, smooth my hair,

Soothingly release where I’m ensnared.

Myopia: I don’t know what to pray.

I only live in yesterday.

I forget today, forget there’s a tomorrow.

I cannot pay back what I’ve borrowed.

Shalom: what is the cost of whole?

This nephesh, this breath of soul?

I forget there are more than merely days,

Silenced by Your higher ways.

At risk of discarding this current beauty,

I don’t deserve all you do for me,

But I am eternally grateful.

These many promises

I have broken, You have kept

Are still seared into my soul

From steps to steps to steps.

While under the blanket of sovereignty

I try to hide my wayward heart;

Prone to wander into moral poverty

And pulled, in all directions, apart

Like a patient etherised upon a table

I do not move, but lay so still.

My condition seems ever more unstable,

But the outcome flows from Your immutable will.

Sometimes, through the haze, I hear You ask

To flex my hand, or wiggle my toes,

And for You I try to complete these tasks

Though whether I’m succesful, I do not know.

I believe I do the best I can,

Though I’m always at my worst.

I believe I’m guided by Your hand,

Though I grasp the others first.

Under the weight of you

I let out a little cry

Nearly inaudible.

It’s a whimpering sigh

That God hears as prayer and

Continues His motion

His everlasting work

Of our great redemption

And His glorification.

Your burden is lessened

By His forever truth.

Today the demons bare their fangs:
Stench of memory, misplaced identity,
Years of acquired security rearrange;
Yield in perfect complicity.

Old mother habit picks up my load
Upon my back, instinctively move.
Pavement footfalls grind the road,
Carving out my ancient groove.

But the air is fresh and feels like home.
I am, again, where I grew
Untended, unnoticed, unknown,
In the eyes of God, who always knew.

I walk these prayers in solitude.
Our relationship matures through time.
I drop my guard until I’m nude;
Vulnerable before Divine.

When the sky, in gracious black,
Spreads to cover the bit of me,
Though my feet just circle back,
I know this journey is complete.

Once again I laugh above, breathe beneath;
Slurp the wine, and sip the dregs.
For these demons have their razor teeth,
But they have such puny little legs.

Dear God,

I cannot give you a careless word

Nor bear those already heard;

Pelted at Your heavenly ears

Before my blinded lips were sealed.

We scrape for momentary silence

In this realm of clanging violence,

And catch glimpses of Your face

Only in serene or somber places.

Solid skies with twisted stars;

Traces of light, unattainable, far

Removed from hearts, from hands-

We treat You like we understand.

I do not understand, cannot comprehend

A love that dwells in my darkest sins

And rises again to defend

With grace: A love that mends.

I see You in majestic storms

That shake the heavens, bellow warnings,

But drench with needed rain.

I tremble every time You refrain.

We are arrogant, sniveling creatures

Who boast and brag of our fleshly features

And ignore the fury in Your grace;

Your gentle, but relentless pace.

May I never forget Your heart:

A consuming, restless fire, You start

To tear down every inner wall

Just when I finally knew it all.

I don’t know You at all. I can’t comprehend

A God who bends around my rends

To love an enemy-

Which is all I am.