Insomnia, cigarettes, coffee;
You stumbled upon my skin,
Nothing underneath to befriend
But you shared your soul with me
So I could have one awhile.
Despising flesh, but still
Your eyes caught underneath,
Scalpels cutting deep,
With calm surgical skill.
You see parts of me I don’t.
I repudiated community.
Injecting intentional lies
To avert watchful eyes,
But you possessed immunity,
And I stood before you exposed.
The good and bad in open air.
I didn’t know what else to do.
I fled. I fought. I bit you.
You continued unimpaired
To tame the shrew in me.
Then began the raining tempest
Dissolving my once impenetrable resistance.
I could no longer keep you a safe distance,
But curled up under you for rest.
I finally slept at last.
When I awoke, the flood had receded.
We stood together; defenseless, alone.
You: a threat I’d never known,
But I had already conceded.
I was yours to guard or grieve.
These staggered breaths, these years exhaled,
Have shown a soul cannot be earned,
But perhaps re-grown, or returned.
I got mine back the day I failed
To treat you like all the rest.