viewingcamelot

This grief bleeds
Freely from my torn soul
Can I ever be loved?
Will I ever be whole?
I sit by these crashing waves
Where You are near
I strain to see You
Through my crested tears
In this place of solitude
I am unknown
Untended, unseen:
I weep alone
And these words scuttle
Along the dirt
Like fallen leaves and dried prayers
And this hurt
Knows no comforter
There are no arms
In which I belong, I am safe
From the tide of harm
In whispered vespers
I exhale my sorrows
I am so small.
Carry me into tomorrow.

I believe unto the grave.

Today, in crisp morning,
I remember You
As fresh, falling flakes
Slow-dance the old into new
And the rain that fell hard,
Pelting my yesterday,
Drifts into the promise
Of all tomorrow may
Be or bring or become
You paint white with hope
Over the madness and chaos;
The night in which I couldn’t cope
Yields to a blank canvas horizon
And a future yet unwritten
But filled with the potential
Of a rock that is smitten
Yet gushes again.
Even if this is merely a tender goodbye
In gratitude, my heart overflows
In tune with the snow-laden sky.

In Your image
I am made
You, who speaks to storms
In their swirling rage
Whose voice sorts and quiets
Furious tempests
And I have faced the storm.
I have made my lists
Cataloging my identity
Who I have been historically,
Who I think I am,
And who I hope to be.

These blows landed fair
And they felled me to my knees
My muscles spasm in pain
But also contract to lift me
To propel me upwards
Once again, toward the sun
And when I stand, I’ll walk,
And when I walk, I’ll run.

“Let us run with endurance
The race set before us.”
Hebrews 12:1

You sang over
The bitterness of my grief
In the gall I drank
The aftertaste was sweet
With Your presence and power
I’ve found my only relief
In finding Your love
Is resolute and complete.

As I walk this broken road
On my broken limbs
Help me see the hidden clues,
Your whispers and hints,
To lift my voice to You
In broken hymns
To praise the God who stays
Fixed in redemptive intent

Towards Your broken lamb,
Which is all I am
And ever have been:

Yours.

For Stephen, You split the sky.
For Moses, You split the sea.
Now You’ve split open
The deepest parts of me

Don’t leave me alone in the deep,
Come find me.

Be with me.

He asked for my always
Come what may
I stood before Your altar
And gave it all away
I’ve loved him strong
Through every season
I tied my love for him with Yours
For no other reason

Than he was
And You are I AM

The unwanted grief of death
Drives the living away
Warm tears on cold stones
Are all I can pray
Who I’ve been is mingled in
With the ghost that is fled
His death has pulled me
Into the land of the dead

Because he no longer is
Oh Great I Am

I died with him
But he’s not coming back
You died once, too
Alone and attacked
In all the grief that flesh is heir to
I have to release what’s lost
To avoid the grave
But who can bear the cost

Of who he could have been
Be tender to me, Oh Great I Am.

In our union, the three became one
Now I must decide
If I will lie down undone
By his graveside
From which no hand remains
To protect me
Or if I will whisper one more prayer:
Father, resurrect me.

Because I am Yours
And You are I Am.

*Zack Williams & Dolly Parton/ There was Jesus

Move against my enemies
To clear my name
I am exiled
In unearned shame
I am treated as one despised
In return for my love
Unheard and unanswered
But You are not aloof, removed above;
You draw near to the brokenhearted
Which is all I can be
Until You prove the unproven:
Vindicate me.

Fix Your love on me
Else I perish
Be again the One
To hold and cherish
When all the world
Has stripped me
From their presence:
Vindicate me.

I have been dealt with
Unjustly by the untrue
But I never belonged to them,
I belong to You
Move in might as in days past
In the fury of Your great jealousy
To right the wrongs, at last
Vindicate me.

I’ve never been valuable
To anyone but You
Pull me close.
If my days are through
Support me with Your arm
Like people do
With the elderly

And help me stand to meet You.

I feel black death
Crouching in my lungs
And I keep feeding it

These lungs used to sing
Now all that travels this tongue
Is a wheeze as a dirge.

There are so many reasons to live
But there’s always one
More reason for one more meal.

Take me by the shoulders
Like You took Lot
And guide me to life.

I cannot sustain
The blows that I got,
Landing on a soft soul.

Revive me again
Before I rot
In the stench of death.

I see what I am
And what I am not
And could never have been.