Sometimes
in those quiet moments in-between
all that is and will be
I hear the sounds of battle.
I think
A hidden war rages
in places I cannot see
I sense my future-
The full scope of me-
dancing as Damocles
merry in all I cannot see
a hair’s breadth from the final release
of failure and farewell
but then the in-between ends.

Time begins again.
I look for my normalcy bias
if found, it carries me through
to the familiar ground
on which I frolic ageless in time

and if the war does rage,
surely it isn’t mine?

(An early a.m., half-excavated piece.)

I stood at Trevi Fountain
In younger skin
I flicked in a foreign-faced wish
Currency from a different place-
An unknown world.
I was a silly girl invoking petty fortune,
Forgotten as soon as the memory
Began sinking into the crystal waters
Racing resiliently over the stony terrain
I wished under a different name
As I raced towards today

That wish sank in silence,
In secret depths it laid
And I paid to bury the wish,
But not the wishmaking
I cannot recall the face of it,
Or know if it became, or sank away,
But I cannot lose the day
I wore my youth
To Trevi Fountain,
And fed its open mouth
With my foreign desires.

Perhaps in the watery grave
My wish remains
Or perhaps I’ve worn it
Home.

I know how it looks
the jumble
Of consonants and vowels
but the I is silent.

Filling pages, filling books
thin and humble
with continents of vows
and high-hopes heaven-sent

Spilling forth in deception,
Painted masquerades,
but the I remains silent
In the ticker-tape parade.

I wish I could tempt you.
I wish I possessed the fire
To heat your blood,
To kindle desire,
To caress your sordid nature

Which must likewise thrive beneath.

I lay out my banquet,
Night after long night,
And under cover of darkness
You take flight
Into numb, dreamless sleep

Or in dreams I’m uninvited.

You sleep alone;
I keep turning
Lost in the ache, in the why,
In my yearning
To understand your distance,

Or why I wake to emptiness.

Oh moonless night
Whose lips are sealed
Whose pearly-whites
Sit tight-concealed
Impotent again
You toothless sky
To break the ripened skin
Of fruit hung high

Offered to your blank stare,
Your closed eye,
Your starless, pursed air
Expanse of darkened sigh

Oh moonless night!
Oh moonless I!

I confess my sin
I’ve toiled in tears and sweat,
Trapped in the fear of men,
How I’ve given myself to fret
Lost watching the show,
Ignoring Your plan
I have stumbled, but know
You’ve taken my hand

And I will not fall.

I commit all to You in patient trust,
Teach me how to walk this way,
Teach me the path of good and just
Lead me to walk as I have prayed
For You are faithful: ever true
In You I live, let me also delight
Show me what good I still may do,
Empower me to do what’s right

In all joy and hope.

I surrender all my grief and rage;
I bow before Your holy throne
You alone have the power to save,
And my humble soul rests in You alone.
I’ve given my last mite;
Take also my riches
So worthless in my sight
Without Your provisions

Of grace and purpose.

I am Yours:
This year, this life,
Forevermore.