All these dreams
They still persist
Even after my crude exorcism.
It’s so unseemly
They exist
Somewhere in reflex or optimism,
Behind my reams,
My pen, my wrist,
My highest tenacity or masochism.
Author Archives: viewingcamelot
About viewingcamelot
A Slip of the Shun
The words themselves were kind,
But spewed out angry-
Like an indefensible accusation.
They were something reckless, something blind,
Measured methodically
In premeditated over-calculation.
They hit like poison darts
Swelling the blood,
Organ to organ, system to system.
Until cardiac necrosis imparts
Death by flood,
By sorrow, by unwanted wisdom.
Heritage
Hurry now, hurry!
The wind is vicious
Tearing off the little petals,
Scattered as embittered wishes.
Each petal crashes hard, hard
Weighing down this solid stone,
This earth of dirt and time
Of teeth and tear and groan.
Who will gather the crushed petals,
From every corner trod?
Who can build the rose again,
Save alone the Hand of God?
Tinted, Turning, Fallen
Black coffee cat,
Scat!
This is not your back stoop.
Troop of omen
Moan and wail, but
Leave me to my own.
What evil eyes shone
Through the night-
Lies! Threats!
Begone! Fly
Mangy imp of the devil’s devices
Limp back to hell,
Leave me to my own.
My God
Not because I need to speak,
To stand, to be seen or heard,
But because when I am weak
You stay strong and true to Your Word.
Not for my purpose,
But for Your affections.
Only You could work this
Dead mess to resurrection.
I am here for You alone,
And what pleases You is all
That makes me feel like home;
Your company alone enthralls.
Use me, hide me, either way
Don’t leave me to the hands of men.
Walk the unbroken union every day,
Speak unto my soul again,
Your words, not mine.
My God
And if I am to stand
I won’t push myself up
By my two filthy hands
Palms pushing earth pushing palms.
If these words must erupt,
Control the burn and balm.
Write this story, and if need be
Use me-
For Your glory.
Interred or Planted
Hatred,
Did you burn against me?
I’ve read your words,
Your confusing medley.
So ready to sell me off,
Or chop me down.
Mute,
I walked where you gave me
Your land, your soil.
The grass knew my bare feet
The blades cut my song
Into bone.
Wet hair,
I fled like a maniac, laughter
Flowed like tears, hysteria
I chased the morning after
With ten more years
Of barefoot races.
Lost
And lone by your design.
Thorns can’t blame the rain
But beauty always intertwined
The downpour, or I
Would lay down blind
Under your dark earth.
Disrobed Confession
Oh wicked wretch that I am-
Seething, grasping, lecherous fool.
How I drain the draft of the damned!
How I allow the aimless appetite to rule!
Oh forgetful, sleeping sinner!
Slinging aside the whole of Truth!
Greedy sins spill from my center-
Lusts of flesh and sins of youth.
O Great Salvation, apply Your balm!
Scrub, scrape, scour off this crud.
Imbed me in Your bloody palm-
Cleanse me in Your flowing blood.
Forgive me all my sins and stains.
I justly deserve death from Your hand.
I throw myself atop Your pains-
Unable to plead, unable to stand,
Deal with me as You desire.
Remember I am dust and sin.
Heal me, or cauterize with fire,
Only do not leave me to the hands of men.
I am wicked, but I am Yours.
Comfort my conscience again.
Revivify
Working it out again,
These kinks, these sins,
These ancient flaws.
These lulls in growth
Frustrate hope, I loathe
Aimless introspection.
Some new sunrise
Break new, break now, surprise
My darkened thoughts
With light for the day
Sight, the right way
To face the morning
Because I’ve forgotten it,
yet again…
Bottled Words
I had a dream.
I was you. You were me.
In the mirror of ourselves
I saw my particular cruelty.
I am ebb. You are flow.
Two motions of the sea
Both interacting, avoiding,
Responding to different gravities.
I saw myself in your eyes;
Your heart beat in my chest cavity.
You were faithful when I was not,
Stable when I despaired the misery,
When I wallowed in the mire of myself
You tried to shake me, make me see.
After all these years, these miles,
These little love notes, all our dreams,
I still see what I could not be for you.
I shoulder that blame entirely.
Maybe the greatest gift I never gave
Saying goodbye gracefully,
Acknowledge, relinquish, perhaps forget-
Let time slowly consume what morsels I carry.
Follow the propulsion of our brief collision,
Embrace the distance, the imposed anonymity.
A goodbye to you is murder to me,
Smothering the last hope of who I could be.
Did I run away, or stay until I could forge
Someone better, someone valued more appropriately;
To stand side by side, not at odds.
One you could love fully, without pity,
Remorse, or frustration- not with lips,
Appetites, or eyes closed tightly,
But thought, heart, faith- My mistake
Has always been in my desires, shamefully,
And I have my mistakes, my expired hopes,
My dreams of us, and always childhood memories.
I have the knowledge I was cruel to remember,
Cruel to hold on, but kind enough to leave-
Leaving you to simpler loves, simpler times,
A simpler existence than any I could weave.
Simplicity brings deeper joys, uncluttered moments,
Unexamined, uninterrupted peace.
I was always the mess, always the liar,
Until the night I spoke truthfully.
Then a runaway, an ingrate,
A coward in the face of victory;
Victory incomplete. I find solace
In my unilateral obsessing.
Had you cared, had you stayed awake
One long night thinking of me,
How could I speak a word to you?
How could I bear to speak affectionately?
I’ve lived these long hours in your shadow,
Lived beneath you all these years between.
You, an anchored vessel of honor, and I
Adrift in the humiliation of tragedy.
You, a gem in your long lineage.
I, a vagabond with a past, but no history.
You, the prided son who stays.
I, the beggar orphan who flees.
With empty hands to offer you
Stains to mar your beauty-
It was right to leave, right you love
Never me.
viewingcamelot 