Father of Forgiveness

Look gently;
Absolve my sin.
I do not bridle my tongue.
I do not bridle my pen.

I am flailing in the deeps.
My arms slap the waves.
My fingers claw at the current
For something solid to save
But the saltwater stings my eyes
And burns in my open throat.
It wasn’t like this at first;
More than tragedy capsized my boat.

I was following Your lead,
Through the agony
But it kept my legs
Stable underneath me.
Something felt a step too far,
A step beyond what I could do.
I backed off Your ship,
And sank into the deep dark blue.
Was it bitterness?
A child’s exaggerated fear?
Was it my old reactions kicking in,
I run, I hide, I keep no one near,
I wall off even the memories.
I reset it all, to numb the nerves
Still sore from the perpetual pounding
Everyone agreed I deserve.

But everyone turned You black and blue.
You forgave them.
You restored them too.

Help me be more like You.