Dear God,

I’m struggling
To file away what happened
To understand
How to process
Wellness.

All the extremes
In coexistence
Bonded by a sense of superiority
In juvenile resistance:
Bullies.

Children playing
King of the hill
Merry in their game
Erupting at will
If they lost any ground.

Always withholding,
Derisive, and distant-
Did I love them
Because they didn’t?
They wouldn’t?

Or was it because
Inside their lawlessness
A kind of rogues’ code
Formed a flawless mess
Of to-the-death loyalty

For the thieves and tyrants
Born inside the guild,
The ones grandfathered in
Did I love that they all killed,
To-the-man, to protect themselves?

Or was I Wendy
In love with the Lost Boys,
Hoping to nurture
In comfort and joy
Adulthood from adolescence?

Was it for the
Angels of their better natures
The gold ore inside the vein
The humanity hidden in vapors
Between their masquerade?

Or did I love them
For the presence of things uncertain?
For the concealed, selfless kindness
Of the one behind the curtain?

The gentle patter of loving rain
On a hot tin roof.

proverbs 27:5